I love competition!

The College where my employer rents a couple of buildings (our offices) is hosting a Biggest Loser Competition this summer. They've asked us to participate. This is the kind of thing that really motivates me!

So... May 11 through August 16th, I will be participating.

I am truly looking forward to it!

May 1-2 Weekend Warrior!!!! Braveheart Edition

My Goals for the Weekend!
Goal 1 – No sodas… Drink Water and Coffee
Goal 2 – Run or work out both days… at least 30 minutes.
Goal 3 – No Fried Foods! This means no ChickFilA Waffle Fries!


Check out the Weekend Warriors Challenge!

Horrible of me?

I had a conversation with my ex-husband before the kiddo's swim lessons last night. He told me that after Mother's Day, he probably won't continue going to our church... and will start visiting other churches.

Brief Glimpse into my Thoughts:
- Kiddo will only get to go to church with me every other week. (Disappointing)

- I will never have to see his girlfriend again and rarely him. (Elation)

- Will he let me take the kiddo to my church while he is "searching"? (decide to ask)

- Is he ACTUALLY going to find a church? I doubt it. (pondering the future)


History... we've gone to this church since before the kiddo was born. When we separated, our pastor warned us how difficult it would be for us to continue attending the same church. It really wasn't a big deal, until he (the ex) moved his girlfriend here from North Carolina and into his house... and dragged her (who has never really gone to church) to church with him. Now it is a big deal... for me... and apparently for her.

Knowing him, I see sleeping in and skipping church in their future. While I should care, I don't (or maybe it's healthy)... and I honestly hope that is the case... because as long as they continue "visiting" churches, he's willing to let the kiddo continue to come to church with me. He knows it's a great church... and readily admits that the reason they're looking is because his girlfriend isn't comfortable.

In other thoughts:
I hate (no... no!) strongly dislike anonymity. I want some people (see above) to stay oblivious to this blog and I'm a little paranoid that that won't happen. Not much I can do though! Any suggestions?

Sneak Peak & Other Thoughts

I have a little picture that was taken with my cell phone to capture the moment. It hints at the results of the closet clean out.


The bins to the right are winter clothes and boots that I have put away. There's obviously enough space that she has a little cubby to hide away in! She was sliding the door open and closed, acting like she was getting away from it all. She also has one of her baby dolls put to bed in there with her.
I do have better pictures of the closet that are on my digital camera. I'll download them soon. I did end up giving away 3 bags of clothes. :-D

Thoughts on the weight gain:
My coworkers brought to my attention (through conversation) that I haven't taken my thyroid medication since February. That was one of those proverbial "slap to the head". Oops. What was I thinking! So hopefully, with beginning the medication again over the weekend and being more careful about what I eat, and the running, I can drop it back off.

I also am hoping that I haven't really messed up. Fact is that I have a "goiter" or a mass that has grown on my thyroid. Since I've been taking the thyroid medication, it hasn't grown. The doctor says I can have it removed, but if it's not growing, I don't have to have it removed. So... I'm hoping the lack of medication hasn't messed with the status of that. I'd hate to have to have surgery on my neck because I got lazy about taking a simple daily medication.

Thoughts on MOM GUILT:
Why do we do it to ourselves? I got a text message from the ex last night asking "Do you want to pick Jules up from school tomorrow?"
I had JUST made plans to go to the gym immediately after work.
Background: Tuesday is normally one of my days to have the girl, but because her dad has to go on a short business trip on Thursday (his day), we swapped.

Immediate thoughts:
- wondering if I'd be short changing her by not spending 20 minutes in the car with her on a Tuesday evening before her swim lessons... or if it would be that big of a deal if I had him go ahead and pick her up.
- Does he need me to pick her up? Can he do it?
- Is he just being lazy and doesn't want to drive to the daycare when swimming is back toward his work?
- Does he think he's being nice by offering to let me pick her up and giving me that 20 minutes in the car with her since it's my regular night and she's been with him since Sunday afternoon?
- Am I a bad mom if I choose to go to the gym instead of the 20 minutes with her in the car?

So... I decided that it probably wasn't a big deal. I texted him asking if he NEEDED me to pick her up. No... he was just trying to be nice, he can get it.

So I'm going to the gym tonight. Then to watch her swim lessons.
WHY DO I MAKE THESE THINGS INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL???

The moment of truth

and it is not pretty.

I finally stepped on the scale this morning after a couple of months.

Ugh.

I haven't been honest with myself about how much I've put in my mouth...

Or the quality of what has gone in my mouth.

So... even though

I don't WANT to put the number on here...

here it is...

195

Ugh... up another 10 pounds.

10 pounds away from my highest ever.

Well, knowledge is power right. So I change today. Back to counting calories and eating as clean as possible. No more fries on the side. More water, less tea. Less frufru coffee and back to the basics.

I think I'll make a trip to the farmers market this weekend.

If I lose 2 pounds a week, I might can lose 10 by Memorial day...
So that'll be my first goal! I'm going to be sharing on here again! Thanks ahead of time for the support!

Challllllennnnnge!

I have a lot of work ahead of me.
Jaelwoman has issued a challenge... this is a year in the making. So here's before:









Eek! I have a big job ahead of me.
Unfortunately, the kiddo woke up at 5am with a fever, so we're off to the doctor in a bit.
She is off to her Daddy's tonight though, so I'll get started tonight.

Thanks for the challenge.

Competition

Sometimes known as keeping up with the Jones (es).
I'm not typically a person who lets "stuff" dictate how I feel about myself.

I grew up in a family that struggled with money continuously. That being the case, I decided early on that I didn't have to have brand name things to feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong! I love "stuff"! I just probably don't go after the newest craze as quickly or as frequently as those around me.

Took me years to get (and use) and mp3 player.
I just bought my first laptop (never had a pc) in September.

I'm going to be brutally honest about myself now. This kind of hurts. My ex-es new girlfriend (who lives with him now) bought a really cool camera a couple of months ago. I have ALWAYS wanted one of those... and never made it a priority to go for it. They've sent me a coupld of cd's with great pictures of my daughter on them. I told them that I don't want their pictures. (In my mind, it's their memories... I have my own memories with her. I don't want any part of THEIR life.)

That being said, I am DYING to run out and get a cool camera. I am kind of ashamed of myself... but at the same time, I've really wanted one for a long time (like when I was still married and before that). Luckily, I'm taking my time about it. I'm doing research and will wait until I have EXTRA cash before plunking a couple hundred dollars down on this stuff. I doubt I'll ever be a person that will sit down and edit pictures... I just want to be able to take some good quality snaps.

Am I nuts? Am I fooling myself and really am just trying to "keep up"? Suggestions on good cameras? LOL!

Chilling...

I was all ready to write a post about "keeping up with the Joneses".
Then I saw this video and had to share.

Maybe the Joneses can wait.

Rainy 10k Weekend

The 10k went well! The start was at 7am. Super Early. I know they had to get that, the 5k and the 1mile fun run/walk done by the time the zoo opened at 10, so I understand that. The thing is... it was REALLY HUMID. The air was thick. A friend of mine (the wonderful Deb that talked me into completing the Half) picked me up so we could carpool and it was nice to have somebody to hang out with while we awaited the start.

The humidity made the first three miles difficult. It was a relatively hilly part of Fort Worth, and I kind of struggled. I think somewhere in Mile 3, I found a stride. I can do this... right!? Then in the midst of Mile 4, it started sprinkling. Lovely light rain that squelched the humidity and had a wonderful cooling effect. I did some walking in the midst of Mile 5 and 6... but I had a good run. I completed somwhere around 1hour 14 minutes. About 12 minutes per mile. Not bad!

Jules, Grammy and Aunt Mereny completed the 1 mile fun run. Jules actually got out of the stroller this time. It was through the zoo.... so they got to see the animals as they were waking up. And she actually walked across the finish line this time! :-) I think this second week, she understood better what the whole thing was about. That's my girl!

Funny thing... Friday night I was showing her the t-shirt that we got. She said "Did the runners give it to me?" My reply - Yeah, well, Kind of... She says "That was nice of them." So Silly! A toddler's view of the world is so refreshing sometimes.

Afterward, my mom, Jules and I met my aunt and her grandson, Dan to go to the zoo. I think we should have cancelled this part of the day because I was exhausted and sore... and we got more rain. Would it have been so bad to put this off for another day? Oh well... we still had fun. Jules got her face painted. She loved it. And she's more capable than any three year old that I know of sitting still.

Nap in the late afternoon and then a fund raising dinner for a Women's Group that my aunt and cousin participate with. My cousin's seventeen year old daughter got word during the dinner (she was volunteering and bussing tables) that she's been given a $10,000 scholarship for college. I am SO PROUD OF THAT KID!!!!! She has been through a lot in her young years and she has really made a lot of herself.

By the way... if you're a member of Daily Mile, add me as a friend! My name on there is Amy Y... Not sure how to do these things yet!

April

April has historically been one of my favorite months. Springtime, baseball, the promise of summer to come... My favorite flowers, bluebonnets are in bloom (at least here in Texas). At one time (sixish years ago) I wanted to get married in April. But it turned out to the be the month that I separated from my husband. In the last couple of weeks, I've been struggling emotionally with the anniversary of the demise of my marriage. A failed marriage is horrid... realizing that the person who was supposed to love you really doesn't think that you're important or that your feelings count. Some things were said that are difficult to remember. It's a lot to overcome.

I am moving on... in as emotionally a healthy way as I think I can. I saw a counselor for a while and she's available if I think I need to see her again. I'm developing boundaries that seem to work for me. Hopefully in years to come, the month of April won't be a reminder of a horrible time. I'm pretty sure that it'll just be a blip in the radar... something that later I shock myself by happily not remembering.

I'm keeping myself busy with 5ks, 10ks, plans with friends and family. Those times alone in the car or on the treadmill are when the thoughts come back. The counselor said that I can expect to deal with the grief for at least three years. So I can logically tell myself that I'm healthy in these emotions. A friend (who is a psychologist) said that I'm going through anniversary grief (like anniversary of the initial grief). I think she had a better term for it. I've just got to deal with the emotions and keep moving forward.

April 18th was a special day for me for so many years. I hate that it didn't go as it should have.

10k apprehensions

It's daunting. Yes, about a month ago, I ran a half marathon.

During that Half, I ran the first 10k without stopping to walk. So I can do this, right? Why is it that it seems like such a huge feat? I'm wishing that I had chosen to do the 5k instead. But I'm going to do this. I CAN do this. I'm going to keep pushing myself. Challenge myself and rise to the occassion.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow... I hope it holds off. I really DO want to do this run... and I want us to be able to walk around the zoo afterward. It's so fun to see the zoo through a three year old's eyes.

On another note, the allergies are finally starting to get to me. Runny eyes and nose. Ick. Oh well... it's the price to pay for a beautiful spring!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!!!

Forward or Backward???

Seattlerunnergirl had a great blog today. Check it out here. She talks about how we're always moving forward and/or backward. One step forward, two steps back... (I think I've heard that somewhere before!)

I'm currently in a backward slide and having a really difficult time turning the momentum the other direction. I've improved this week over last week, but I still have a long way to go.

I've been bringing veggies and fruit to work... eating good lunches (with the exception of the potluck on Tuesday)... and I've worked out or run 3 days since Monday (including today). My problem is the evenings. I'm always go go go... and tend to make the easy, comfortable choice over the "good" choice. I've got to wrap my head around all this again.

Arch Supports and Stuff

First... I wanted to share this cool article. It's about how Moms find time for running. I certainly have my fair share of these issues. I am lucky that the grandparents are super supportive (of pretty much everything I do) and will just pretty much be there for me no matter what.

Example: take the 3 year old on the 1 mile fun run/walk while I run a 10k this Saturday. Get her ready for school one morning if I need to go run. Put her to bed if I am at the gym late (that pretty much never happens)... or even put her to bed if I'm out socializing or something. I am a VERY lucky single parent.

Oh... and on the shin aches and pains... I asked around and somebody suggested new running shoes or arch supports. So I immediately went and bought arch supports (will get new running shoes in a couple of weeks). $7 Dr. Scholl's inserts were WAY worth the money. Yesterday's run yielded NO shin pain. YAY!!!!
I've also been stretching frequently since then.

Yes, I think I've learned a lesson on the necessity of stretching! :-)

Ouchie...

I did not stretch well after the 5k on Saturday. Check that... I didn't stretch AT ALL. Bad idea.

I went to the gym today during lunch... and my shins hurt! What can I do to make the pain go away? I was only able to run for about a mile... and spent the rest of my time on the bike just to get some cardio in.
This will teach me to think that I can forgo stretching!

Any suggestions on what I can do to ease the pain?

I'm running a 10k on Saturday!

By the way... if you want to read my history, my other blog is here.

5k and Fun Run

I was going to say that Jules completed her first 5k... but really... she sat in the stroller while her aunt pushed her around for the 1 mile fun run. Mereny and Grammy did that with her and then enjoyed the kids activities with her while I ran the 5k. It was a fun, active morning.

When they crossed the finish line, they gave Jules a ribbon for completing the race. She may not have actually gotten out and walked, but I figure exposing her to healthy, active stuff like this can't hurt.



I can tell that I haven't run enough lately. I'm a little sore. I DID finish in less than 37 minutes which was a pace somwhere around less than 12 minute miles. Not bad. I've got a 10k on Saturday (in which my sister, my mom and Jules are walking in the fun run again).

Getting Moving

I know how to do this healthy living thing. It just seems to elude me at times. Those times happen more and more frequently lately.

Last year, from January to May, I lost about 40 pounds. I've put about 20 of that back on.

This year, I accomplished a major goal of running a half marathon. I haven't run much in the four weeks since then.

Last year, at the end of April, I moved out of my house as I separated from my husband of five years. In the tumultuous time since, one of his young brothers passed away. In dealing with the grief of divorce and the grief of losing someone that I loved (I had known his brother for fifteen years and he lived with us in the last two years of our marriage.) , there have been major ups and downs.

My ex-husband thinks that we can be friends. I'm willing to show kindness to him on behalf and in relation to our daughter, but we can never be friends. There are too many broken promises between us. In attempting to draw healthy boundaries between us, I had to abandon my previous blog... and I've started this one.

The spirit of this blog is that I want to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Life is not going to pass me by. I'm going to do my best to bring my daughter up knowing that she is loved, that she can do anything that she puts her mind to doing. I plan to be a positive example to her.

I'm here!

Starting again... recovering from divorce, getting fit...

Living Life
Loving my family and friends
and pretty much being Goofy through it all.

That's pretty much what it's all about. :-D